Understanding Libido: Insights from Your Doctor

Common Myths About Sexual Desire

"Men always want sex more."

"Women just need emotional connection."

"He finishes in five minutes. I’m just warming up."

“She doesn’t want it anymore, is it me?”

These are conversations I hear in my clinic all the time.

Sexual desire, or libido, is complex. It’s influenced by hormones, stress, emotional connection, health, and a hundred other little things. And yes, men and women experience it differently.

The Biological Differences in Libido

Yes. Biologically and psychologically, libido plays out differently between men and women.

• Men: Their sex drive is more constant and primarily driven by testosterone. It tends to show up as spontaneous desire. Can you think of random moments of arousal with no emotional cue?

  
  

• Women: Libido is more variable and sensitive to context. It’s deeply tied to hormonal cycles, emotional connection, stress, and body image. Most women experience responsive desire. This means desire builds once intimacy begins.

  
  

Arousal for women often starts in the brain. For men, it’s more direct and physical.

Who Has a Higher Sex Drive?

Studies show men report a higher frequency of sexual thoughts, masturbation, and desire. But that doesn’t mean women have “less” libido. It simply behaves differently.

Women’s libido is more likely to fluctuate with stress, hormones, and relational dynamics. Many women feel an increase during ovulation or emotional intimacy.

Is Sex Different for Men and Women?

Completely.

• Men: Faster arousal-to-orgasm process. Shorter refractory period (can become ready again faster at a younger age).

  
  

• Women: Slower build-up, but potential for multiple orgasms. Often need more foreplay, emotional warmth, and physical comfort.

  
  

The emotional aftermath can be different too — many women experience post-coital emotions more strongly.

Do Men Need More Sex Than Women?

No. Desire isn’t a need. It's a drive. While testosterone gives men stronger, more frequent cues, emotional and physical intimacy is equally important to both sexes.

Some women crave frequent sex. Some men don’t. It’s individual.

Signs of High Libido

For both men and women:

• Frequent sexual thoughts

• Easily aroused by touch or visuals

• Regular desire for intimacy

• Feeling sexually unsatisfied or restless

  
  

Signs of Low Libido

• Disinterest in sex for weeks/months

• Avoiding intimacy

• Lack of sexual fantasies

• Feeling disconnected or “numb” during intimacy

• Stress, medication, or hormonal imbalance may be underlying causes

  
  

What’s a Normal Sex Drive for a Man?

Normal = what feels healthy, not distressing.

Some men feel desire daily. Others a few times a week. If your drive causes no anxiety or frustration, it’s normal.

What’s a Normal Sex Drive for a Woman?

It varies. Some women feel desire multiple times a week, others only during ovulation or emotional closeness. Again, normal is what feels right for you. Problems arise when there’s distress or a mismatch with your partner.

Does Sex Get Better with Age?

For many people, yes.

• Women: Often experience greater emotional security, better communication, and confidence in what they want.

  
  

• Men: May deal with slower arousal or performance anxiety, but with communication, emotional intimacy deepens.

  
  

Sex becomes less about performance and more about connection.

Who Enjoys Sex More, Men or Women?

Trick question. It’s not about gender, it’s about the context. When both partners feel seen, safe, and desired, both enjoy it deeply.

Can Women Experience Sexual Frustration?

Absolutely.

Lack of intimacy, emotional disconnect, difficulty reaching orgasm, or simply mismatched libidos can lead to deep frustration.

How to Increase Sex Stamina in Men

• Improve cardio fitness (blood flow = stamina)

• Practice edging (delaying climax)

• Try Kegel exercises

• Reduce porn dependency

• Avoid alcohol before sex

• Focus on foreplay, not just penetration

  
  

How to Increase Sex Stamina in Women

• Strengthen pelvic floor muscles

• Use lubricants for comfort and endurance

• Prioritize non-penetrative intimacy

• Manage stress and sleep

• Communicate clearly what feels good

• Hydrate, eat well, and stay active

  
  

What Should I Do Before Sex?

• Freshen up (confidence booster!)

• Communicate desires or limits

• Use the bathroom

• Set the mood. Calm and connection work better than “quick and rough”

• Protect yourself (barrier contraception if needed)

  
  

What Should You Do After Sex? (For Men & Women)

1. Pee (Especially Important for Women)

Helps reduce the risk of UTIs. Men may not need it as urgently, but it’s still a good hygiene habit.

2. Clean Up Gently

Use lukewarm water. Avoid harsh soaps on sensitive areas. Don’t douche — it disrupts natural pH.

3. Rehydrate

Sex can be physically taxing. Drink water to prevent cramping and fatigue.

4. Cuddle, Talk, or Just Be

Oxytocin spikes in both sexes post-orgasm. Emotional connection deepens with a few quiet moments together.

5. Check In With Your Body

Mild soreness is normal. But sharp pain, swelling, unusual discharge, or emotional distress? Talk to a doctor.

6. Avoid Harsh Products

No alcohol-based wipes, scented soaps, or excessive scrubbing — they can irritate intimate skin.

7. Let Your Body Recover

Whether it’s a nap, snack, or hot shower — follow what your body craves.

8. Emotional Awareness Matters

Feeling teary, empty, or anxious after sex? You’re not alone — Post-Coital Dysphoria (PCD) affects all genders.

What Does He Feel After Sex? (Physically + Emotionally)

Physically

• Relaxation & Sleepiness: After orgasm, men experience a surge of oxytocin and prolactin, which naturally causes drowsiness and emotional detachment. This is why many men feel sleepy or less talkative right after sex.

  
  

• Refractory Period: Unlike women, men usually have a refractory period — a phase where they can’t get erect or feel aroused again immediately. This can last minutes to hours, depending on age and health.

  
  

• Muscle relaxation or mild soreness: If the session was intense, he might feel like he just left the gym.

  
  

Emotionally

• Contentment or Connection: Many men feel emotionally closer to their partner post-sex due to oxytocin release (aka the "bonding hormone").

  
  

• Guilt or Emptiness (Sometimes): If the sex wasn’t emotionally fulfilling or there are underlying issues (like shame, relationship tension, or porn-induced detachment), some men feel regret, emptiness, or even sadness.

  
  

• Vulnerability: Especially if he deeply cares for you, post-sex is a rare moment where emotional defenses drop. He may want affection but not know how to ask for it.

  
  

What Does She Feel After Sex? (Physically + Emotionally)

Physically

• Relaxation or Fatigue: Like men, women experience a surge of oxytocin and endorphins, which leads to a relaxed, sometimes sleepy state, especially after orgasm.

  
  

• Mild Cramps or Stomach Pain: Post-sex uterine contractions (especially after intense orgasms or deep penetration) can cause a cramping sensation or lower abdominal discomfort.

  
  

• Increased Sensitivity: After climax, many women experience increased sensitivity in the genital area, making continued stimulation uncomfortable.

  
  

• Vaginal Soreness or Swelling: If there wasn’t enough lubrication or foreplay, mild irritation or swelling may occur.

  
  

Emotionally

• Connection or Warmth: Oxytocin, known as the “cuddle hormone,” peaks, making many women feel emotionally close, affectionate, and secure.

  
  

• Tearfulness or Emptiness (Post-Coital Dysphoria): Some women report unexpected sadness, irritability, or crying after sex, even when it was consensual and loving. This is called post-coital dysphoria, and it’s more common than you think.

  
  

It’s not always about the sex itself. It can be hormonal, past emotional baggage, or even just chemical fluctuation.

If it happens often, talk to a professional.

• Need for Reassurance or Closeness: After sex, women may crave cuddling, verbal affirmation, or reassurance. It’s not because they’re needy, but because the body-mind connection is intense and vulnerable.

  
  

Why Does My Stomach Hurt After Sex?

Common reasons:

• Deep penetration irritating cervix

• Ovulation cramps

• Endometriosis

• Fibroids

• Pelvic inflammatory disease

  
  

If the pain is sharp or lasts long after sex, consult your gynaecologist.

How Long Should You Last?

There’s no perfect time. The average time from penetration to ejaculation is 5–7 minutes.

What matters more?

• Quality foreplay

• Connection

• Orgasm for both partners (yes, even without penetration)

  
  

Does sex loosen your vagina?

No, sex does not permanently loosen the vagina.

Here’s why:

The vagina is a muscular, elastic organ. It is designed to stretch (even for childbirth!) and return to its original shape. During arousal or intercourse, the vaginal walls expand and accommodate, but they contract back naturally afterward.

What can affect vaginal tone?

• Childbirth, especially multiple vaginal deliveries.

• Aging and hormonal changes (like reduced estrogen after menopause).

• Pelvic floor muscle weakness, often from lack of exercise or medical conditions.

  
  

How to maintain or improve vaginal tightness:

• Kegel exercises (pelvic floor workouts) are highly effective.

• Laser vaginal rejuvenation or pelvic therapy may be recommended in specific cases, especially post-childbirth or menopause.

• Maintain a healthy estrogen balance (consult a doctor if needed).

  
  

💡 Sex alone, even frequent sex, does not "loosen" the vagina. That’s a myth rooted in stigma, not science.

Final Thoughts from Your Doctor

Libido isn’t just physical. It’s mental, emotional, hormonal, and personal. Men and women experience it differently. And that’s okay. The key? Stop comparing and start communicating.

Your relationship with sex will grow deeper, better, and more satisfying when you understand yourself and your partner.

Want to learn more about libido, hormones, and intimacy? Stay tuned for our next post: "7 Surprising Things That Kill Your Sex Drive (And How to Fix Them)"

Or book a confidential consultation at Eravio Clinics, Nagpur & Mumbai. 📞 Call: 9975630949